my first gain since starting the blog. okay, so it's only .2 lbs, but it's still depressing. i'm blaming that potato last night. ugh ugh ugh never want to eat again.
breakfast:
oatmeal (140)
honey (20)
cinnamon (5)
(165)
lunch:
green tea with honey (20)
dinner:
coffee w/ tsp of sugar (25)
skinny girl total: 210 (limit 450)
actual total: 210 calories
* * * * *
when i first saw the scale my thought process went like this:
what? no. that can't be right. i better try again.
seriously? i gained? it's that fucking potato. fuck potatoes. that fucker is going on my don't-eat list. i will never eat a potato again. i hate potatoes. stupid stupid potato.
i can't believe i gained... i kinda wanna cry.
fuck it, i gained anyway, maybe i should just waste today and eat everything i can.
...no, that would just make it worse.
fine. i won't binge. but i am putting real sugar in my fucking coffee today.
fine. i won't binge. but i am putting real sugar in my fucking coffee today.
* * * *
so i ate my oatmeal as planned, and decided to eat as little as possible for the rest of the day, which turned into an almost-liquid-fast (can i call it a liquid fast if i put sugar/honey in my liquids? it dissolves, haha). i've been trying to eat a lot of fiber and drink a lot of water, but i haven't had a bowl movement in a couple days, so i'm partially blaming that. i'm going to the store tomorrow to get sea salt and i'll do a salt water cleanse probably tomorrow evening. i hope that will help.
oh, and boyfriend is making bacon and toast and grilled peppers and onions and scrambled eggs right now, but i feel so fat i'm not even tempted. just drinking my coffee, writing a blog. on a different day it would smell delicious, but now it's just making me feel a little nauseous. win?
oh, and boyfriend is making bacon and toast and grilled peppers and onions and scrambled eggs right now, but i feel so fat i'm not even tempted. just drinking my coffee, writing a blog. on a different day it would smell delicious, but now it's just making me feel a little nauseous. win?
today's kind of a blah day. but to tell the truth, part of the reason i didn't binge is because i wanted to stay strong for you girlies. it's kind of silly, but i don't want to let you all down by stuffing my face and failing. i'd rather report happiness than sadness, and when i started the blog i promised myself i would never lie about intake, so all of you are motivating me to do good, even when i'm away from my computer! if i can't stay strong for myself, at least i can stay strong for all of you.
hope your weekend got off to a great start!
xoxo
you're doing fine love, there are some days for me where the scale makes no sense, like if i've gained after a fast. but the next day it's totally fine :) xox
ReplyDelete10 bucks says its all the oatmeal still sitting in you. (which will help a BM so will be gone very soon!)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry hun, it'll go back down I promise- you've been so good it can't not! I'm so so proud of you for not bingeing in that stressful moment!! You can do this! keep going! Hope you're smiling again soon xxx
I'm sorry but on 355 cals you should not be gaining. It makes me mad that you could eat so little and still gain. Keep up the good work and it had better go down.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet it's just a fluctuation. I'm sure it's not really a gain. I'm proud of you for being so strong. I have no doubt that you'll succeed. Never surrender!! X.
ReplyDeleteit's ok hun - only .2! you'll lose that and more tomorrow easy. chin up and keep smiling xx
ReplyDeleteit could just b water weight or the fact that u havent had a BM in awhile so dont fret it hun
ReplyDeletesometimes the scale doesn't make sense. don't worry :) xxxxx
ReplyDeleteFunny, because I thought of binging last night too, just because I have not at all in a while, and it is getting so tempting. I have lost 11.5 pounds in the last month, and I dont want to f up, but that was not really what stopped me.. I thought of all the people whose blogs I have been reading lately and what they might say about not breaking down and I made it through and did not binge and was back down this morning:) Thanks for being there!
ReplyDeleteHey I'm new one here ! xD
ReplyDeleteDon't worry you will lose it soon <3
.2 is nothing! Worry when it's 1.2! Hehe, you're doing great and you'll get rid of that ugly .2! :D Maybe you're just retaining water! You can stop retaining water by drinking more water! Hehe :) So relax. okay? Xoxo
ReplyDelete