bad habits

breakfast:
2 bowls of cereal (240)
each with milk (140)
(380 calories)

lunch:
pasta (400)
olive oil (120)
parmesan cheese (75)
(595 calories)

dinner:
green tea (0)
1/2 tbls honey (30)
(30)

total:
1005 calories
(but it feels like 5,000)

* * * * *

ugh i so didn't want to eat any of this today. i was so happy with yesterday's intake (less than 300 calories!) and i was trying to stay strong, but my boyfriend started going on and on about the cereal we had and I should eat it before it goes bad, and i said i wasn't hungry, and he got on my case about eating breakfast so i was pretty much stuck.

the pasta was a bad habit. it's just sitting on the shelf, and i was the one who bought it (boyfriend doesn't eat pasta) so i felt like i had to eat it. i feel so weak. the breakfast was one thing but i should have stayed strong. instead, after eating the cereal, i just felt like the whole day was wasted so why not eat the pasta? at the very least, i'm getting it out of the house to discourage a possible binge later on. i've been bad about binging in the past. i can eat a whole box of cereal or box of pasta like it's nothing. bad bad bad.

i don't know my exact weight right now, but on friday after work i'll be getting a scale. i have to wait until then because boyfriend will be at work that night. he'd raise his eyebrows at me if i brought home a scale. i really didn't want to be all sneaky around him, i was hoping i wouldn't have to lie and say i'd already eaten when i hadn't, but it seems like it'll happen eventually. i'll just feel really shitty about lying to him. but he doesn't understand how important this is to me.

anyway, today sucked, i feel like crap, and i'll be posting my stats here probably this weekend, which will make me feel even crappier.

stay strong, lovlies!