boyfriend found blog.

life just became hell.

don't know when/if i'll be able to come back.

stay strong ladies, wishing you all the best of luck.

xoxo

weighing in rules

scale says 140.6

about 1/2 lb away from goal weight #1!

breakfast:
coffee (25)

lunch:
water

dinner:
2 small grilled cheese sammiches
-- 4 slices low-cal bread (180)
-- 2 slices fat-free cheese (50)
coffee (25)
(250)

skinny girl total: 280 (limit 500)
actual total: 280 calories

* * * * *

very close to my first goal weight! hopefully tomorrow!

because of that, i wanted to set some weighing in rules for the goal weights.

i weigh in every morning undressed, before eating or drinking anything. for a goal weight to actually count, i have to weigh in at or below that goal weight for three consecutive days. only then will i allow myself to celebrate. though i'm pretty sure i wont gain after i reach a goal. nothing like hitting a goal weight to motivate you into fasting for a few days so it sticks!

writing about goal weight rewards tomorrow :)

not a long post today because i'm going to go eat some cheesy melty sammiches. god i love low-cal bread and fat free cheese. since bread and cheese are some of my fav foods, the low-cal options prevent so many binges. instead of eating 600 calorie mac and cheese, i'm eating less than half that for a meal that's just as filling.

think thin!

xoxo

almost

yesterday's stats:

scale: 142.8

foods:
2x coffee w/ sugar = 50 cals
cabbage cooked with margarine = 85 cals
skinny girl total: 75 (limit 300)
actual total: 135 calories

* * * * *

today's scale: 141.4

back on track like the weird gain never even happened.


breakfast:
coffee (25)

lunch:
chicken noodle soup (120)

dinner:
coffee (25)

skinny girl total: 170 (limit 450)
actual total: 170 calories

* * * * *

i almost lost control. almost? well, no. i did lose control. but it didn't result in a binge.

let me explain...

i've been having baaaaaad cravings these last few days. it's like the fact that i haven't been eating much at all lately is encouraging the ugly part of me who doesn't care about being fat. there's this voice in my head encouraging me to eat horrible foods. it's not helping that i work at a restaurant.

"it'd be so easy," the voice says. "the food is looking so good today, and it could be on your tongue and inside your stomach in a matter of minutes."

and then this happens:

i haven't gone shopping in a while and we're out of food. boyfriend suggests going out to eat. i try all the excuses. i'm too broke to spend that much money at a restaurant. boyfriend says he'll buy. we've been doing so good at not eating food that's bad for us. boyfriend says it's okay every once in a while, and we should treat ourselves.

the skinny person in me starts calculating calories in case she is forced to go. she starts wondering about the safest items to order. she's terrified that she might not know the exact calorie count-- because how can you with all the extra grease and oil they put on that shit? she feels sick. panic starts rising in her chest. 

the ugly fat person in me is excited. she wants a burger, and some fries, and a coke, and dessert. her voice gets louder. come on, we're practically being forced to eat anyway, she purrs. might as well stuff ourselves. if you're going to be bad, at least do it right. punishment can come later, for now i want to eat until my hands and lips are greasy with food and my stomach feels like it might explode. it's so easy to give in, we've got to keep up appearances. there's no way out of it, darling, might as well go all out.

i couldn't make the decision. boyfriend and i are driving home and we're coming to the exit and he says "do you want to go out?" and part of me screams no and part of me is already planning to get bacon on my burger and the words yes are on my lips but i can't trust myself with this decision so i say "it's totally up to you, i don't care either way".

so he drives past the exit and we go straight home.

i've never felt a stranger sense of both extreme relief and extreme disappointment. the weird part is, the disappointment was for both sides. the ugly side of me was sad she didn't get to eat, and the skinny part of me was disappointed in her willpower. she almost said yes. she was going to say yes. she didn't make the decision not to eat-- someone else did. she avoided the food in the end, but it wasn't her doing. she was weak. and that's scary, because i need her to be stronger than the fat part of me. i need her to win.

i got out of it that time, but this ugly part of me is still inside, talking, craving, encouraging. i'm starting to worry that the only way to shut this bitch up is with a cheeseburger. this thought both terrifies and pleases me. either way, the not eating has rewarded me, and i'm only a pound and a half from my first weight goal.

stay strong lovlies, even though it's hard. nothing worth having is going to come easy, and skinny is definitely worth it.

xoxo

skinny girl diet week 3

scale says: 143.2

argghhh wtf!

breakfast:
coffee w/ tsp sugar (25)

lunch:
fat-free yogurt (90)

dinner:
veggie burger (70)
bun (120)
cheese (25)
salsa (15)
lettuce (5)
(235)

skinny girl total: 345 (limit 400)
actual total: 350 calories

* * * * *

i'm super bummed i gained. i know it's prob just weight fluctuations, so i'm not extremely upset, but i was really hoping that week 3 would have the biggest loss, and now with about a 1/2 lb gain i'm not even close. grrrrrr.

anyway, onto the stats and week 3 wrap-up:

weight

starting weight (monday 10/11) 146.6

ending weight (monday 10/18) 143.2

loss of 3.4 lbs in second week!

(week 1 was a 4.6 lb loss)

(week 2 was a 2.4 lb loss)

loss of 10.4 lbs so far for skinny girl!
including today (monday) there are 9 days left, 

and with the .5 lb/day loss rate i've been maintaining,

i should lose another 4.5 lbs, putting me at a loss of 15 lbs overall.

intake

day (limit) sgd total -- actual total

mon (400) 230 -- 235

tues (300) 240 --295

wed (400) 345 -- 355

thurs (450) 275 -- 310

fri (500) 315 -- 320

sat (650) 415 -- 420

sun (700) 255 -- 260

total limit: 3400

total sgd calories: 2075

total overall calories: 2195

didn't go over any days, stayed well below the total limit,

 but it also looks like i ate very few fruits and veggies. yikes.

i didn't lose the most weight this week (grrr)

i did accomplish the goal of eating the least amount of overall calories (yay).

i won't be doing a week 4 update next monday,

because the last day of sgd is tuesday

 so i'll be doing a "skinny girl diet" post on wednesday,

 detailing my experience/results with the whole 30-day diet.

stay lovely, girlies!

xoxo

gum

scale says: 142.8

i have to lose 1 lb or more by tomorrow morn to set the new record, and unfortunately i don't think i quite made it. it'll still be a good week, but not a record breaking week!

breakfast:
coffee w/ tsp of sugar (25)

skipped lunch

dinner:
veggie burger (70)
bun (120)
cheese (25)
salsa (15)
lettuce (5)
(235)

skinny girl total: 255 (limit 700)
actual total: 260

* * * * *

woo i'm almost all caught up on blogs! still have a few more to hit, but unfortunately those will have to wait until tomorrow!

had my first boca burger tonight. of course, i put a nice tablespoon of super spicy habanero salsa on the burger, and that pretty much overpowered any taste! it was really good, and combined with the fat-free cheese and toasted bun, it was totally yummy and totally low-cal.

had a pretty good week, no going over the limits, no binging, though i was really tempted a few times! i don't think i lost a whole pound today, but for the week i'm guessing i lost just over 4 lbs, which is fine with me! keep the losses coming.

short post tonight, but i had a question for you.

sometimes i chew gum, but i haven't been recording this, because chewing gum for 30 minutes will burn 5 calories, thus negating the calories (if you chew for at least 30 min anyway.) so do you ladies count every single last calorie? do you count calories in gum, and diet soda, and a single leaf of lettuce?

do you calculate less calories if a slice of bread is missing a little chunk? do you weigh out your food portions so they're exact? if you eat a cereal with almonds and bran flakes do you adjust the calories per serving if your bowl has a lot more almonds than average?

just some things that have been on my mind lately, because i count calories and restrict and limit, but i really don't care about the calories in gum because i burn them right off and then some.

hope your weekend was well!

xoxo

ahhh

scale says: 143.4

if i can get below 142 by monday, week three of sgd will have the biggest weight loss yet! it will be hard, but it's definitely doable!

breakfast:
oatmeal w/ honey and cinnamon (165)
coffee w/ tsp of sugar (25)

lunch:
coffee w/ tsp of sugar (25)

dinner:
turkey club sandwich
-- 2 slices low-cal bread (90)
-- 2 ounces lean turkey (50)
-- 1 slice turkey bacon (35)
-- 1 slice low-fat cheese (25)
-- lettuce (5)
(205 calories)

skinny girl total: 415 (limit 650)
actual total: 420 calories

* * * * *

ahhh! another late night.

i feel so bad for not getting around to reading all of your lovely blogs.

i will try super super hard to do it tomorrow night.

weekend has been crazy busy,

but i haven't fucked up my restricting,

so it's been a good weekend :)

see you all soon, beautiful ladies!

xoxo

late

scale says: 144.0

down about 1/2 lb. i worked for five hours today, so hopefully i'll drop a bit more by tomorrow.

breakfast:
nothing

lunch:
fat-free yogurt (90)
coffee w/ tsp of sugar (25)

dinner:
turkey club sandwich
-- 2 slices low-cal bread (90)
-- 2 ounces lean turkey (50)
-- 1 slice turkey bacon (35)
-- 1 slice low-fat cheese (25)
-- lettuce (5)
(205 calories)

skinny girl total: 315 (limit 500)
actual total: 320 calories

* * * * *

got in very late, so no time to read or write a post. 

need to sleep, but wanted to record my intake at least.

proper blogging to resume tomorrow.

stay beautiful girlies, i love you all!

xoxo